Depression has consumed John Doe within the last few years, the overwhelming amount of judgment from his parents has taken a toll on him. Doe recalls constant hurtful conversations with his mom, “She doesn’t want me as her son, she tells me I’m stupid, I’m a mistake tells me day and night and never lets me forget it I stay up for days overthinking.” The mistreatment from his parents has led Doe to deal with suicidal thoughts. “I’m by myself and there’s no one that I’m going to give my trust to, because it hurts knowing that I can’t trust my parents,” Doe said.

Recently, Doe has been going above and beyond to show his parents that their view of him is wrong, “Y’all look at my report card and tell me how bad of a kid I have been, but I’ve been working hard and getting school done,” Doe said.

Amid his parent’s separation, Doe works seven days a week to care for his siblings. He believes that he has suffered too long under the shadow of his parents. Doe has become the sole provider for his siblings, getting them ready for school each morning and ensuring they have food on their plates and clothes on their backs. Doe has shown his mental and physical endurance at a young age without the help of his mom and dad. 

Doe shares that his parents have affected him to the point that he said, “I started to lose myself and didn’t know what to do. It has been years since I have heard my mom or dad tell me that they are proud of me and that they love me. It hurts me to this day.” 

Navigating through the pain has been hard for Doe. His muse, his grandfather who recently passed, was his light. Doe’s grandfather used to say, “Life is like a set of Legos you’re going to have to build your life piece by piece and you got instructions but sometimes you have to get creative.” This pushed Doe to go past his boundaries, to succeed not just for the satisfaction of his parents and peers, but to validate himself.

Since his grandfather’s passing, Doe has continuously visited his grave, sitting with him until dusk. Visiting his grandpa has become Doe’s escape, knowing that no matter their separation, he is still building his story piece by piece in light of his grandfather. 

After finishing high school, Doe plans to live alone, working in the automotive industry, or studying architecture.

When asked about advice that would be given to a student struggling with absent and abusive parents Jennifer McCormick Rikkers, a licensed Clinical Social Worker, local to Waterloo, shared that, “The first thing I would want to do is assess the situation and make sure that they’re not experiencing any suicidal ideations. Once that was confirmed that they’re not experiencing suicidal ideations, I would want to talk with them about support systems in their life such as other family members or friends. I would remind them who the support systems are in the school setting, and then encourage that student to follow up with a counselor or a therapist.”

Rikkers continued by saying, “Start encouraging them, they don’t need to suffer alone, they can share that they are safe and I want them to know that there are safe spaces in which they can share these parts of themselves, of him or herself, that are not feeling supported. And sadly, a lot of kids are in situations that they’re living in that they don’t have a lot of control in. You cannot control the way your parents treat you.”

One in every five high school-aged teenagers struggle with their mental health. Studies in Black Hawk County show that 79.6% of residents were referred to a hospital through the emergency department while dealing with a mental health crisis. A sudden percentile increase within the last five years.

As a teenager, understanding your mental health is hard, and Doe has shown his strength and vulnerability by reaching out. Doe had the courage to say, “Life isn’t going to be easy, life has a lot of twists and turns but there are things you have to overcome,” Doe shares. “So you have to push yourself to overcome everything and take that risk. It’s going to hurt you but sometimes it might just make things better. If you know things are bad, talk to someone.”

For those reading this, you are not alone. You are more than your thoughts and you are here for a reason. If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, an unsafe home environment or depressive episodes please reach out.

Your life and your story matter.